Investigation Of A Scene

2004-10-01

Hello my little dawggie dawgs. This week brought me some red hot news: one of my songs was recently on an episode of CSI. Fucking A! I quit my job and bought da bling bling. Or wait, do I buy stuff with bling bling? Both?

Eh, I'm too geeky to play that game, Home Slice. *

I don't know which episode, or which CSI even, but I hear it was :06 worth, so I figure they kicked it out in an after-commercial-pre-scene montage. I can't wait (8 months) to get my royalty check to learn which episode it is. And then I can't wait (3 years) for the DVD to be released so I can watch my six seconds of fame.

Of course, this week I said to a few people, "Hey, 8 million super sleuth couch potatoes tapped their feet to my music. I'm psyched." And, offering (further) proof that the world is populated with assholes, everyone's response was along the lines of, "Oh, wow, you know what happened to ME this week? I stubbed my toe!"

Okay, whatfuckingever.

Now, on to the debates! Isn't Bush a hoot? Every time he blinked I heard a little cartoon xylophone in my head. How many total seconds did he stare at the camera in silence while "thinking" of something to say? How many times did he say "Ummmmm...?" How many times did he not answer the question, but instead repeat his tired little unrelated statement.

I had a scary feeling when the debates were starting, an anxiety, a deep-rooted kinda fear. It was an inkling, I think, of the Blair Witch terror I will have the entire day of the election. God, I'm gonna puke just thinking about it. SOMEBODY STOP THAT MANIAC!!

I am, admittedly, hyper. As my fourth week of not smoking draws to a close, I've found myself entering a new phase of detox: speed freak. I totally feel schizoid: nervous, shaky, hyper, breathing shallowly, restless, jumpy, and as the clincher to the insanity, exercising. See, I told you I'm off kilter!

* In ultimate geekiness, I just googled "bling bling" to find out if it's a) money or b) stuff you buy with money. Turns out, it's jewelry, which you already knew. But did you know they just added Bling Bling to the Oxford English Dictionary? Shit, motherfuckers, I thought dat azz was supposed to be definitive. WTF?

Also, my "source" was MTV news, which I was thrilled to see had a big ole banner for Fahrenheit 9/11. Go register to vote, sillies!

LAST FIVE:
Hot Porn - 2005-07-23
Choogle - 2005-04-29
On Quicksand and Hydration - 2005-03-05
Bra Bustin' - 2005-01-15
Fuckhead Fuckers (and Other Happy Tales) - 2004-11-04
Betabitch, words & design, so play nice.