How Sexy is Your Happy Trail?

2003-12-08

Son of a fuck. Tomorrow for the third time in two months I have to go vote. No joke. First there was the Ahnold fiasco, then a mayoral election resulting in a run-off and tomorrow's the real deal. Green party vs. Democrats. I'll tell ya, even the democrats are evil in San Francisco. For example, here's Al Gore and our democratic candidate Gavin Newsom:

Hey Billy Bob, we done won us the potato-sack race! Usually, Newsom doesn't look this yokel. Believe me, I've read all the gay rag editorials on whose hairdo is better. That's no joke either.

Anyway, the Green party candidate, Gonzalez, is kick-ass. And it's a close race. Unfortunately, Gonzalez doesn't have as much money as Newsom, and I keep reading about his "critically low resources."

What's ironic is that as critically low as his resources are, I find the campaign intrusive, dangerously approaching restraining-order time. About 3 weeks ago, someone from the campaign came to my door and asked if I was voting for the G-Diddy. I told them that indeed I am.

At that point, someone should have documented it. Easy. Minimal resources required.

Since then I've gotten FOUR more knocks on the door at at least SIX phone calls from the campaign. Jesus christ, how can there be so little communication on this? What a waste of those volunteers' day coming to my house. I'm voting for him so BACK THE FUCK OFF.

The end.

In other completely not-news-at-all news, the week before daylight savings, I went to Target. I warned you it wasn't news. I knew times would be a changin' and I should hook up a headlight for my bicycle so I don't get crunched under an SUV. The bike section, however, was completely sold out of all headlights, except....except one lonely child's headlight, the Happy Trails� Light. There was nothing that childish about it, save for being a little oversized. Fine.

Today, completely unprovoked, my Fucking Happy Fucking Trails� Light fell off in the middle of the street. If I were an actual child, I would have bawled my eyes out. Instead, I swore up a storm, stuffed it in my pocket and decided to announce the shoddiness of their product all over the internet. Much more mature.

LAST FIVE:
Hot Porn - 2005-07-23
Choogle - 2005-04-29
On Quicksand and Hydration - 2005-03-05
Bra Bustin' - 2005-01-15
Fuckhead Fuckers (and Other Happy Tales) - 2004-11-04
Betabitch, words & design, so play nice.