2003-11-19

Ladies and Gentlemen, Thanksgiving marks a very special anniversary for me so I'd like you to get your handkerchiefs and balloon hats ready. It is with great anger and frustration (I know, what's new?) that I proclaim the day after Thanksgiving The First Annual BetaBitch Is Still On A Fucking Diet Day!

Yes, my friends, one year ago I began the Atkins diet, which I followed religiously for SIX GODDAMN MONTHS, replete with bread and potato visions that danced in my head. I lost about 8 pounds the first two months and about, um, NO pounds the last four months even though I was always hungry and drooling on other people's sandwiches.

I quit the diet for about TWO SECONDS, a respite we'll term the Obsessive French Fry Entry Storm Of '03. Oh, French fries and burgers and BLT's, will you ever be mine again?

Not at this rate. I haven't had a French fry in mad months, yo. Mad months. I started a real Eatin' Less and Eatin' Healthy diet in, uh, June. You know, no cheese, no mayo, no fried things, small portions, no desserts, more bikeriding, a lot less drinking and all other narly forms of food castration. Since June!!! RAWR!

Yes, then there was Halloween. I admit, I had a problem with the candy. Little, bite-sized candies, but candy nonetheless. I don't even like chocolate (something to do with growing up outside Hershey, PA and taking the Chocolate World ride 800 times), but when you're hungry and you have fifteen pounds of candy sitting around...well, not much I can do about it now.

I think I've only lost 12 pounds all year. Go me! A pound a month! Can we even venture to call that progress?

Happy anniversary to me and my ass! You go ass! Ass = evil being who wants to take over the world. Beta = The only chance to save the world from ass.

In conclusion, these are my favorite spam subjects from the mailbox this week:
3) hounding polyglot
2) findfish-irrefusable
1)ur di.cky is so smalllll