2004-05-07

Diggity blah fuck. The conclusion of my last entry involved me muttering about living in a ghetto where no one has a job.

Right you are, ole chap! For what to my wondering eyes did appear last eve? Why, it was two cheeky monkeys driving slowly down the street smashing every car's windshield with a baseball bat.

Bugger! Unlucky for me I was parked across the street, cause he nailed mine with extra vigor. A Benz brings out that extra love and tenderness in people sometimes.

People were coming out and yelling, but it makes little difference when you live amidst anarchy. The scallywags turned the corner and kept on showering the glass.

My neighbors called the cops, who showed up, oh, well, an hour later. Since my insurance doesn't cover random acts of kindness, the young, bored, tired cop was disinterested in filing a report. Why would anyone want to document crime for the sake of documentation? A salute to our pigs for cutting down on the red tape.

Related, I think I mentioned that my car was peeing green at the end of last week, which ended up being coolant. Who knew? So making THAT trip to the shop Monday involved me stashing several water bottles in the trunk along with a cardboard sign that said "CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?" (I don't have a cell phone). I also said lots of prayers as I drove across the bridge in ninety degree weather with the heat on (they say it's good to turn on your heat if your engine is overheating). My biggest thinking-good-thoughts thought was to thank the good lord I have yet to make a bumper sticker for my car that says "HANG UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND DRIVE, ASSHOLE."

So that was Mon-Tues and $300.

Today, a mere $250.

I'm avoiding going home at the moment. I'm fucking tired and cranky, but the little lady graduates tomorrow, so the in-laws (hahaha, except it's illegal for them to ever be my in-laws) are here. Actually her mother, her sister-in-law, her sister-in-law�s mother and her 2y/o and 4y/o nephews. Italians from Queens who live in Florida. Somebody please just fucking shoot me. Or at least get me good and sozzled.