The Captain, The Ship and the Deep Blue Street


Holy shit, people! At 4am it started pouring, and it was still torrential by the time I left for work a little after 8. As soon as I hit the road, I knew this was a day for the Slow Moving Vehicle sign.

But goddamn! There was AT LEAST a foot of water on the road for 20 blocks. I was terrified everytime a truck went by the other direction because it made fucking WAVES that pounded the side of my car. My mind was ticking with questions. Does my car float? Are these doors sealed? Am I going to sail away into the ghetto?

And those jokers parked on the street? Guaranteed cartoon tidal wave fishy time when they open their doors. The water was up to the top of their tires.

The best part (and THIS right here inspired me to buy a digital camera and keep it with me for always and ever) was that the drains in the middle of the intersections turned into FOUNTAINS, shooting water several feet into the air. At every block.

So it took like an hour for me to sail all the way past the pretty fountains to the freeway, which was closed due to flooding.

Oh, fuck, and I saw an SUV go up a curb, over the all-terrain that was the grassy side of the freeway ramp and onto the road. I was cheering for em, "Yeah, now I know why you bought that enormous gas guzzling hummer wanna be you cell phone talkin' piece of shit! You are finally justified!"

Can someone tell me, um, was driving in a lake bad for my car? It must be, right? Are there, like, things on the bottom of the car that shouldn't be completely submerged in water, much less driven in that state?

Ha ha ha.

At least Fresh Air was on the radio, and Terry Gross was interviewing John Waters. He said, "I think all normal people are secretly depressed because they're not in show business." Fearless.

P.S. Here you go, kittens:

Hot Porn - 2005-07-23
Choogle - 2005-04-29
On Quicksand and Hydration - 2005-03-05
Bra Bustin' - 2005-01-15
Fuckhead Fuckers (and Other Happy Tales) - 2004-11-04
Betabitch, words & design, so play nice.