From One Music Asshole To All The Rest


Okay, assholes, I'm in an asshole mood, so here's the red hot asshole report. I got an ipod, it rocked my world. I cannot understand why they give you such cheap shit earphones with this astounding electronic device. Did they think that because the earphones are white we'd be fooled? What? I want fuzzy white earmuffs with volume control on the cord, not some piece of shit 1980 doesn't-even-fit-and-I-can't-hear-anything pseudo headphone.

Not the point. The point is, I listen to, like, a shitload of internet radio. I hear a good song, I write down the artist. I write down the artist a few times, I decide to buy it.

But now I have an ipod, so I'm not buying CD's anymore, right? I'm smacking all that hard core megabyte data on the bad ass hard drive. Ooooh, baby. Smack it harder.

Look, I found this band, not that I discovered them, but I found myself exposed to them and I dug it. But all the mp3's on their site are ass. I want the album, the shit I hear on funky internet radio.

I pay my dumbass $10 a month to emusic for their unlimited downloads of CRAP. Okay, not fair. They have an enormous and awesome jazz collection. For every song my band does, I can download 10 versions by different varyingly drunk jazz musicians across the ages. Useful, which is why I pay.

I'm terrified of Kazaa. They sued a 12 year old poverty-level girl and won so, um, they're out of my league. But, hey, Utopia? You hearing this? You've got Kazaa, right?

And then, there's itunes. Bitches. They don't even HAVE anything I'm looking for. Including Emiliana Torrini, another hot ass super swank bitch I've been combing for. What the fuck, Apple? I buy your emac. I buy your ipod. What do you give me? WHAT????

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