Cold As An Ass Factory


Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, is it cold in here. I know y'all think that someone in California doesn't have a right to complain about cold, but citizens, hear me out. This. Could happen. To you.

I'm sorry, those are the first lines of the Kingston Trio's Charlie on the MTA song about a guy who gets stuck on the Boston transit forever. His wife hands him a sandwich every day when the train comes rumbling through.

Yes, I just launched into song. Did he ever return, oh no he never returned and his tale is still unlearned (Hewillridefore-) he will ride forever in the streets of Boston, he's the man who never returned. I was raised on the hippie song, children. And it's hard to type with shivery fingers, so it does me good to throw a little song and dance in here.


SF weather varies by about 30 degrees all year, so when looking at apartments, you're not really concerned with all things temperature related. Air conditioners are pretty unheard of, including in most restaurants, which is silly because for about ten days a year it's hot and sweaty out.

I've always had one of the ole fashioned gas heaters on the hallway wall that smells like burning cat hair and takes a year to warm a whole apartment.

But, after we signed our lease last February, we learned that there is in fact NO heat in our apartment. Assholes. We should have looked or asked about it when we were nosying around, but we didn't.

For every two hours I run the space heater, my gas bill goes up $20. Today it's 50 degrees out (I know, you silly Canadians, it's like 50 below there, right? But you have your heat on, don't you? Okay then.) so it's maybe fifty degrees in here, minus a few for sun-warmth measure.

Oh yes, we have a fireplace! Big perk of living in the ghetto is you can get lots more for the same price. A marble fireplace! Hoo ha!

Uh, the thing about a fire is that, as pretty and cozy as it is, it gives like no heat. I don't know. Maybe it's those Safeway logs. Shiver me timbers. Argh.

P.S. Time for a new design and I thought these colors were particularly festive. Mwah ha ha.

Hot Porn - 2005-07-23
Choogle - 2005-04-29
On Quicksand and Hydration - 2005-03-05
Bra Bustin' - 2005-01-15
Fuckhead Fuckers (and Other Happy Tales) - 2004-11-04
Betabitch, words & design, so play nice.