2004-06-24

Hello my little lightly salted, slow roasted peanuts! It�s been one hell of a party here on this ole train, with more boobies than you could shake your naughty stick at.

Soooo, last Friday? Well, that was the party with the stripper. She was hot, but a little cross-eyed. Saturday? That was the strip club. One of the most high class joints in town, and it had less falsies than I would�ve thought. Those girls were cirque de soleil�ing (yup, like google, they get their own verb) all over that poll, which was pretty rad. I saw some nice thigh-high latex boots and a couple of decent asses, but other than that, ho hum.

By the way, that was bachelor party weekend. I�m only half that pervy normally.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Hmmm, I don�t think I saw any nudity that day. I guess that�s what the Lord intended when he made the seventh day to rest. �And if thou stareth into the human crevice each present day, if thou brusheth with air the buoyant bits of the least humble humanity, if thou faceth the darkest challenges of human form, if thou worketh the teats and arses each morn, noon and twilight, thou shalt rest thy weary eyes on the Lord�s day.� I hear ya brother!

Monday, I worked long hours and went to the mall to buy some new unmentionables. I don�t know how to shop, physically, so when I poked my ass into Guess to see if, I don�t know, I could do it, I realized I�m a total fucking spaz who does not belong in Guess. Naturally, all the beautiful clubby hipsters also realized it. Nice to be on the same plane as everyone once in a while.

Tuesday, more tits, more ass, another day at work, whatever.

Wednesday! CD release party at Virgin! Fucking fuck yeah! I signed autographs. Actually, here�s the way it went.

FAN: Can I get you to sign my CD?
BB: Hahaha, quit fucking with me. Are you fucking with me?
[repeat for 20 minutes]

Eventually, I realized, um, I need to suck it up and accept that they have seriously been suckered. Nooooo!! Can I still totally hate myself if other people like me??? My master plan�I�m meeeeelting.

I also heard my song over the loud speakers in the store and got my picture taken. I smiled for 3 hours straight, so I think in most of the photos my face will resemble the tin man�s.

Tomorrow my band has a red hot gig in which I play guitar, bass, accordion and viola. A little somethin� somethin� for everyone. Hey, just like porn!