2004-05-06

Hello, hot stuff. Last night I went out with my friend Spanky. Mr. Spanks is a rather affluent, intelligent, hot, hard working, career minded gay boy, which makes him a real catch in grand ole Gaytown. Naturally, we had to go out in the Castro so we could troll the bars and break the hearts.

I started to feel crampy about an hour in and, as every lady knows, the time was upon me to celebrate the fluidity of my womanhood. I had five minutes to avert crisis, so I told Spankton that I was running across the street to the liquor store.

He wanted to come, but pointed out they didn't have any liquor. Right he was. Cigarettes, gum, lube and porn. The five boys in line in front of me all took a pass on the cashier's assistance, leaving me to yell past them "TAMPONS!" Who needs a megaphone when you've got the sheer power of a word like TAMPONS?

The cashier said, "Yeah, we have tampons." Then everyone in the store laughed at me. Apparently everyone knows that the liquor stores are porn stores in Big Gay Castro, and the last thing they'd sell would be womanly-type products.

No, they didn't have tampons.

I grabbed Spanky screaming, "THREE MINUTES! WE HAVE THREE MINUTES!" and dragged him around the corner to Walgreens as he slowly came to the realization we weren't cruising for boys anymore.

No siree, and by the time we got back to the bar with about fifteen seconds to spare I was feeling super indeed. Spanky was speechless, which is a first I believe.

Crisis averted. Drinking commenced.

Merry stinco de mayo and happy big hat day, by the way. When I was leaving for work yesterday, they were setting up a street fair in front of my house. When I got home, they were taking it down.

Guess no one works in my mexicali ghetto. No one but me.